feeling pissy tonight...

what does it say about me that right now, i can't find it in me to deal with other people and their problems?
most of my close friends are trying to handle a lot of stuff right now. finals are stressing everyone out, there's personal stuff thrown in, and basically everyone is going insane. and i know i need to try and find a way that i can give some time to the people who're important to me, especially since i've dealt with some of what they're going through right now: but i can't seem to find a way. i have nothing left in me that i can give to anyone, and it makes me so annoyed sometimes that people expect so much from me when they themselves know how difficult college can be. i feel like i'm being guilted into being someone for others to lean on because if i don't, i'm clearly just a shitty friend.
but i have been there for others for such a long time that i've managed to neglect myself. it's okay for them to disappear off the face of the earth so they can get time to themselves, but god forbid i need to study at MIT, right?

straight a's

i could totally get straight A's here if i could get bored enough. unfortunately, the state of my room often means that i'll default to cleaning it instead of working if i really have nothing else to do. this is probably why i stopped working in here...

summer research?

O. M. G.
i've been looking for summer research positions (and when i say i've been looking, i mean i started sending emails last night and sent one out before i got distracted by the internet). nonetheless, the one i sent last night is super-important, because the lab does EXACTLY what got me interested in biological engineering in the first place. guess what's sitting in my inbox when i wake up? there might be a spot open for me for this summer!
i am honestly so excited it is not even funny. i think i might be a huge dork.

why i love my job

forget the fulbright scholar. I CALLED BUZZ ALDRIN TODAY.

i (possibly) actually like my job? what?

wow. i have the weirdest love-hate relationship with my job. today was awesome, enough to make me wish i worked on a commission basis. seriously, people just love to talk, and if you let them talk about something they like, they like you a lot more. last week just made me cranky- it didn't help either that i was working the evening shift so people were pretty uniformly in the middle of dinner- but this afternoon was so nice. you call people in florida and let them make fun of you about how much your weather currently sucks (the river is frozen here) and they get so much nicer! you can hear them smile and everything, it's almost ridiculous!

nonetheless, it is a stressful job sometimes.

but seriously, i talked to a fulbright scholar today. it was mind-boggling.