i've had rehearsal for at least three hours every day this week (six hours almost straight today), until midnight every night. i rather think i'm going to be our first freshman breakdown, both on my floor and in the group; i actually don't really know how i've been making it entirely through rehearsals this week. it's awful; by the time i'm alone at night i'm too tired to be anything but okay, but when i need to cry i'm not anywhere where i can really break down. instead i'm in rehearsal or working in my lounge or walking home at night with other people. i don't want sympathy. that's not really what i need. i just need to cry on someone and be held for a while. if i can survive tonight i'll be okay, but it's getting all this work done that's such a problem.
and man i wish i weren't single. specifically, wish i were IAR with the boy. i hate this. i feel so stupid for holding out but i can't let go because when i see him and i feel him watching me i feel like there's something there to wait for even if there isn't and ugh i really just wish i could know he's mine. meh.
on the bright side, i just checked my physics & calc grades and i don't appear to be in danger of failing. *shrug*
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