eh. life goes on.

the idea that life can go on in my absence takes a lot of getting used to.
last summer was like this too. i disappear for a weekend and parties happen. people acquire stories, photos are put on facebook, and i get to feel irrationally jealous about it. i guess it's because i miss my friends terribly when they're gone, but nobody seems to notice when i'm not around. they tell me they miss me, they say they're there if i need to talk before i come back; and then when i need them most they're nowhere to be found.
and this weekend, it was okay, because i know enough people in weird time zones that i found someone awake and willing to lie to me for half an hour so i could stop panicking. but that was just sheer dumb luck; and i wonder what will happen the next time if there's absolutely no one around.
one day i'll have someone who'll sit by the phone waiting for me to call. or at least that's what i keep telling myself.

8 miles, and then some

yesterday we went kayaking down the delaware. 8 miles, supposedly a 3 1/2 hour trip. and the best thing i've done for myself in a long time.
i was with my family and a couple of friends, but managed to get myself way out in front of everyone else. and up front there, it was just me, the river, and the birds. no phone, no ipod, nothing.
to be completely cut off from absolutely everything was just what i needed. it's been too long since i was last completely unattached, & to really feel that is wonderfully liberating. no boys randomly trying to contact me, no drama chasing me around, nothing; just the sound of the water.
with everyone so far behind that they were inaudible, and the rest of the river ahead of me, it felt like i could do anything. and even though that doesn't completely translate to the rest of my life, for a few hours it was completely true. bliss.

anything can happen in the woods...

this evening has been spent watching into the woods; which happens to be one of my favorite musicals ever. the last time i saw it was almost two years ago, and it was a great show then. but after two years of college, and life in general, it somehow has more of a meaning now.
i've been rather frazzled lately; but it's curing that feeling bit by bit. life happens, and you make decisions, and those decisions are hard and they have far reaching consequences. but whatever happens, you learn from it, and it changes you for the best.
everything that happens is ultimately for the best.

in the pursuit of developing taste in music

i have a lot of free time this summer, so i am picking up a rather interesting project.
i've been reading Questionable Content faithfully since high school, and it's written by a guy who apparently listens to a LOT of music. my actual knowledge of music seems to have shrunk relative to my awareness of what exists; and so in an effort to remedy this i am going to listen to every band that has ever been mentioned in the strip.
this is actually pretty exciting to me, so you can expect regular updates :)

not being full of fail, for the umpteenth time

so. i finally figured out why i suck at blogging regularly, and now i have some advice for y'all who're thinking of starting a blog. DON'T DO IT IN THE MIDDLE OF TERM.
classes cause sleep deprivation. sleep deprivation causes sleep madness. sleep madness causes stupid posts. and then you get really embarrassed and you stop posting until you can come up with something intelligent...except you never do, because you are a) too tired to be a rational human being or b) too damn busy to sit down and think for a bit. and then before you know it six months have gone by without a post and you're like "damn. must have lost readers over that one. but what if i never *had* any readers in the first place? what if this blog is just a futile attempt at being an interesting member of society? WHAT IF NO ONE LOVES ME?!" and then you really stop writing, because you can't see the point anymore.
this is sort of what has happened to me as regards this whole Being On The Internet thing. it's kind of pathetic. but now, it's summertime, and since i'm not too busy i am hoping to get myself into a routine so that i can continue to be interesting even after term begins.
man, this post wasn't meant to be so huge. in summary, i promise i'll be back in some capacity. really and truly.