passions

i sometimes wonder if i've chosen the right major. they tell you to choose something you're passionate about, something that'll make you happy to go to work, but they never tell you what to do when you have one but not the other.
music is what i do. it's always been a part of my life, but in the past less-than-a-year it's become more so than it used to be. and last week in rehearsal i found a part of me that gets so incredibly fired up by what i do that it seems to tap into something inside that i never knew i had and yes, i become an incoherent little ball of energy, so much so that i can't help but want to share it with everyone around me.
but i don't feel that for anything else. i'm not including interpersonal relationships in that "anything else", because i think they are an entirely different sort of thing and need to be handled exquisitely carefully. but bioengineering? i'm fascinated by it, yes, but i can't find that passion. and i don't know whether i used to have it and it's just been submerged by my general indifference towards my classes, or whether i genuinely don't have it at all. and that makes me afraid, because while i don't want to be a starving artist (even for the sake of doing something i genuinely love), neither do i want to wake up some morning thirty years from now and realize that i should have been a music major after all.
i just want to find that fire and be able to use it towards everything in my life. i feel like i would be so much better at everything if i could.