the long-awaited explanation of where i've been

here it is: the reason i haven't had time to write, in a nutshell.
i had a complicated year. i decided a few too many times that i didn't know what i wanted to do with my life, and so the classes i hated most this year also turned out to be completely useless with respect to my degree.
issues that i thought i'd left in high school came back to bite me in the ass, ruining my self-perception and my social life. i became kind of unbearable to be around and my friend circle shrank to less than half the size it used to be. i'm still not entirely certain why so many people put up with me through that, but thanks.
in january i broke up with the boyfriend of a year, because our personal philosophies were too different. i then spent the next six months second-guessing myself and making everyone around me miserable as well. somehow i still have friends (no, i don't really understand why. perhaps schadenfreude?)
oh, and i got swine flu. twice.
disheartening? yeah, but somehow it's been good for me. now i'm taking a year off to re-center myself, and i'm looking forward to it.
but that's another (later) post, because this one is getting long.