8 miles, and then some

yesterday we went kayaking down the delaware. 8 miles, supposedly a 3 1/2 hour trip. and the best thing i've done for myself in a long time.
i was with my family and a couple of friends, but managed to get myself way out in front of everyone else. and up front there, it was just me, the river, and the birds. no phone, no ipod, nothing.
to be completely cut off from absolutely everything was just what i needed. it's been too long since i was last completely unattached, & to really feel that is wonderfully liberating. no boys randomly trying to contact me, no drama chasing me around, nothing; just the sound of the water.
with everyone so far behind that they were inaudible, and the rest of the river ahead of me, it felt like i could do anything. and even though that doesn't completely translate to the rest of my life, for a few hours it was completely true. bliss.

anything can happen in the woods...

this evening has been spent watching into the woods; which happens to be one of my favorite musicals ever. the last time i saw it was almost two years ago, and it was a great show then. but after two years of college, and life in general, it somehow has more of a meaning now.
i've been rather frazzled lately; but it's curing that feeling bit by bit. life happens, and you make decisions, and those decisions are hard and they have far reaching consequences. but whatever happens, you learn from it, and it changes you for the best.
everything that happens is ultimately for the best.

in the pursuit of developing taste in music

i have a lot of free time this summer, so i am picking up a rather interesting project.
i've been reading Questionable Content faithfully since high school, and it's written by a guy who apparently listens to a LOT of music. my actual knowledge of music seems to have shrunk relative to my awareness of what exists; and so in an effort to remedy this i am going to listen to every band that has ever been mentioned in the strip.
this is actually pretty exciting to me, so you can expect regular updates :)

not being full of fail, for the umpteenth time

so. i finally figured out why i suck at blogging regularly, and now i have some advice for y'all who're thinking of starting a blog. DON'T DO IT IN THE MIDDLE OF TERM.
classes cause sleep deprivation. sleep deprivation causes sleep madness. sleep madness causes stupid posts. and then you get really embarrassed and you stop posting until you can come up with something intelligent...except you never do, because you are a) too tired to be a rational human being or b) too damn busy to sit down and think for a bit. and then before you know it six months have gone by without a post and you're like "damn. must have lost readers over that one. but what if i never *had* any readers in the first place? what if this blog is just a futile attempt at being an interesting member of society? WHAT IF NO ONE LOVES ME?!" and then you really stop writing, because you can't see the point anymore.
this is sort of what has happened to me as regards this whole Being On The Internet thing. it's kind of pathetic. but now, it's summertime, and since i'm not too busy i am hoping to get myself into a routine so that i can continue to be interesting even after term begins.
man, this post wasn't meant to be so huge. in summary, i promise i'll be back in some capacity. really and truly.

meditations on drag, part 1

during the downtime between episode's of this season of RuPaul's Drag Race, i work my way through last season. or i did, until i finished the season last week. and i've found over the past few weeks that what started as entertainment and a way to kill time has actually sparked some surprisingly thoughtful discussions of gender and sexuality.
i've seen a lot of comments (mostly on jezebel) from women that view drag as an offensive parody of femininity; and while i do understand how that take on it is possible, i think it displays a fundamental misunderstanding of drag.
drag is female impersonation. the goal of impersonation is to create a convincing illusion of femininity. to this end, drag queens study women and choose to emphasize the features that, in their minds, capture the essence of being a woman. the end result? a woman with strength, character, independence, and (for lack of a better word) heart.
too many girls grow up thinking that they need to meet the expectations of men if they want to be worth anything as a person; and so it's immensely refreshing to see men to whom the important points of womanhood are characteristics that make a woman worthy of being a role model.

spring cleaning!

Spring cleaning is a wonderful feeling.
Throwing out the bags and bags of crap that accumulate over the past months and seeing your floor again; being able to find everything right where you left it for once; the light and space in the room when it's clean; nothing really describes how healthy it is to be finished.
Thing is, how often do you remember to do the same in the rest of your life?
We've all got baggage, whether it's fragments of past relationships or people themselves. And sometimes the pieces only float around your personal bubble, but sometimes they trail behind you and weigh you down.
Only thing you can really do is cut them loose: all the so-called "friends," the pathological liars and unhealthy friendships; the insecurity stemming from your past; the fear radiating towards you from the future and its uncertainty.
You don't need any of that.
Every moment is a fresh start, waiting for you to make your magic. No one can stop you.

everyday miracles

watching the olympic opening ceremonies for some reason is making me pensive.
it's one thing to be told that every day is a miracle, but another thing entirely to really know it.
each day i walk down the street to head to class, and each day i can look up at the sky and say that it is beautiful. it has nothing to do with the sort of weather, or how cold it is, but is simply about being able to exist.
every instant of your life is precious. there is never any time to waste, nor will there ever be, because every moment is another memory, further proof that you are really living. it's no surprise that the sun rises; but that you are there to see it and feel it - that is the miracle.
every day is full of moments. whether you ache with heartbreak or joy, cherish them, because they are the only way to really be alive.