life sucks. then you die.

what the fuck. the world is just throwing more shit at me it feels like all the time. but really what i want to know is how i got into this school. like seriously am i just too dumb to realize that i should quit when i'm trying to do the impossible?

there is only one thing in my life that has not utterly gone to shit. and that is my relationship with my utterly awesome awesome boyfriend, who i expect is slowly but surely realizing that wow, he picked a hella crazy chick this time.

seriously though, i am nothing if not a fixer-upper. i don't handle stress well, and i am a better liar than i should be. as in, people think im normal. and smart. i am most likely neither of the two, and definitely not the first. i have bouts of normalcy, yes, but i have periods of i don't even know what to call it - absolute instability? yeah, sounds about right.

but fixer-uppers have potential, yes? what do you call someone who's just so messed up that even she has no idea where she could possibly go in life?  i'm no superwoman like i wish i could be. not even a miss independent. i can't even try to go to sleep tonight despite the fact that i have to be up in seven hours, because i can't handle being alone. my only current security is a block away and probably asleep by now. and who's going to understand what i want to say if i call them anyway?

i feel like i should just tell the world to stop wasting its time on me.