my ex. again.

i think everyone has an ex that they wish would leave them alone. mine decided to IM me again today. i broke up with him last september after dating for three months, and for some reason he still tries to talk to me.
i defriended him a few months after the breakup, because the temptation to facebook-stalk him was almost as annoying as he was. even after months of my ignoring his messages, he'd still IM me and ask me if we could talk, or if i had a problem with him, or various little things like that, so i did the most logical thing possible: sent him an email. a cold, PR-toned email signed with my professional signature. you'd think that would be some sort of signal, but it appears not. he's IMed me twice more since then, and while i know he just wants to be friends i would prefer not to be. we weren't friends before we dated: why should we be now, when i know that we have little in common intellectually or in any other regard? if it wasn't worth it to me to maintain a long-distance relationship, when i presumably felt something for him, why should it be worth my while now to begin a friendship that can't possibly function?
i understand that it's difficult to have someone drop out of your life entirely, particularly if you dated at some point, but by the same token it's difficult to have someone show up in your life periodically when you don't want to deal with them. and i do realize that this post sounds bitchy, but anything that causes me any stress or irritation gets removed from my life. it's the healthiest way for me to be.

standing by in silence

"in the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
~martin luther king, jr

will we watch the fires come closer and closer until they consume us all? the whole world seems to be balanced on the edge of a knife, and as the tensions in iran escalate it looks almost as though the end of the world really is coming.
it is terrifying to watch days like these unfold, but my own inaction is more frustrating than anything else. if we can do nothing more, we can at least pray, regardless of our own personal beliefs.

feeding the soul

"i have an inward treasure, born with me, which can keep me alive if all extraneous delights should be withheld: or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give."
~jane eyre

we all do. the purpose of the soul is not to go somewhere after we die, but to keep us alive when nothing else will.
feed your soul as you would feed your body; that is to say, do not fill yourself emotionally, mentally, or spiritually with garbage. believe the good that people tell you, not the bad; and love both yourself and others.

blackness

Incognegro

this post popped up in my google reader this evening. and i have to say, i understand all too well.

one of my cousins called me a white girl last year, for a variety of reasons culminating in the fact that i told her i was taking a white boy to prom. she then proceeded to tell me she'd find me a prom date. a black prom date. and at first i was irritated and hurt, but then i thought more about her and her life and i realized that if she approved of what i did with my life i would have to seriously rethink every decision i made.

we're not close anymore. she's too black for me, i'm not black enough for her. and it's a shame, but i'm most definitely better off. i don't care what people think of me, especially not black people. i date white boys. i'm naturally monogamous. and i'm ambitious as can be. those three traits seem to count against me. but whatever.

"all my skin folk ain't my kin folk" - Zora Neale Hurston

best. thought. EVAR.

"be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as snow, thou shalt not escape calumny"

-Hamlet

clearly this means get your ass out of the house and go enjoy life.

love

Love, like truth, is the unassailable defense.

- Diane Ackerman

what can i say about this? i think it's fairly self-explanatory. love cannot be argued with. you cannot tell it that it is being irrational. you cannot say that its principles are unsound. you cannot say that it is wrong. ever.

love creates an open heart and mind. it puts a smile on your face and a spring in your step and makes the world a beautiful place to be. and with that sheer joy of living comes a sort of armor against the slings and arrows of outrageous fate, if you will. simple contentment is a better defense against what life throws at you than anything else i can think of.

open up your heart and smile at the world. it'll smile back. believe me.

dressing well

“dress shabbily and they remember the dress, dress impeccably and they remember the woman.”
- coco chanel

all the more reason to look good everywhere you go.

proud to say i've only ever left the house in pyjamas a few times in my life: high school spirit week always involved dress-down day, and i've taken a calculus AP and a physics final in pjs just for luck.

looking good can do wonders for you. please do it.

peace on earth

"What kind of peace do we seek? … Not the peace of the grave or the security of the slave. I am talking about genuine peace, the kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living, the kind that enables men and nations to grow and to hope and to build a better life for their children — not merely peace for Americans but peace for all men and women, not merely peace in our time but peace for all time."
- John F. Kennedy

peace is not the absence of war. neither is it the assurance that tomorrow will be like today. peace is the condition in which we are certain that tomorrow will be better than today, and our purpose on this earth is to create and ensure this peace. the point of existence is not to do the best you can for yourself alone, but to make life better for those around you.

if you can change the world for even just one person every day, you're doing your part. i don't mean doing what's expected of you, like paying your taxi driver. that doesn't count. hold a door for someone whose hands are full. don't just walk past someone who's dropped all their papers; help them pick them up. go above and beyond what is expected of you and you will make a difference, i guarantee it. and whatever you choose to do, do it with a smile.

in this holiday season and beyond, spread good will. the world needs more of it.

the world is your oyster

“Look at the sky: that is for you. Look at each person’s face as you pass on the street: those faces are for you. And the street itself, and the ground under the street, and the ball of fire underneath the ground: all these things are for you. There are as much for you as they are for other people. Remember this when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing.”
- Miranda July, No One Belongs Here More Than You

this entire world is here for you, to get as much out of it as you possibly can. life is not about being held down by work and worries, but about making the most of your time on earth. walk with both eyes open to avoid obstacles, but never make the mistake of believing that you cannot dream without your eyes shut. open your eyes and watch your dreams come to you. believe in them and they will.

a necessary destruction

"the ambiguity of truth, that is absolutely necessary but destroys us"

this came from my theatre professor this morning.

we were discussing the use of light in Ghosts today and its relationship to truth- specifically the blinding sunrise at the end of the play when everything is absolutely dark inside the house- and it got me thinking again about my not-so-epic fail last night.

i had a long and lonely walk home from rehearsal, with a lot of time to brood and make myself thoroughly depressed, and i was mostly pissed off that i have such recurring bad luck with relationships.

but already i can look back and say, well, at least i'm losing those illusions fast, before they consume me completely. it hurts and i'm not over him, but someday i could be.

the joy of life

i'm working my way through a copy of Ibsen's Ghosts (since i have to finish it for tomorrow's theatre class) and i came across this: "The joy of life? Can there be salvation in that?"

i don't know what conclusion was reached in the play since i'm not finished, but yes, there can be. and there is.

i walk down the river on sunny days and watch the water sparkle. i lie around on the lawn in between classes and revel in the feel of the sun on my face. and in such moments, i find peace. i can be swamped in homework, exhausted, or feeling blue, but these are such simple pleasures that just being able to appreciate them makes me forget my worries for a while.

it's refreshing to take my mind off of the garbage life will throw at me, especially since it tends to make me cranky. and when i sit and relax for a while, i feel closer to God, like i understand the world maybe a little better, or like he's reminding me that he's there and no, life doesn't actually suck.

i'm glad i realized this tonight.